Debut or Die - Chapter 477
“…”
Cha Eugene took a slow breath. The fresh and exhilarating scent unique to the beach, with its rough waves crashing against the shore, filled his lungs.
Even though it was summer, the early morning by the water was bearably warm. The air of this beach in Ganghwa Island reminded him of the beach in San Diego, where he used to be.
In the past, he could easily regain his pace in moments like this. But now, his mind wasn’t clearing up. To be precise, Cha Eugene could no longer simply blow away the ‘loser-like feelings’ as if dusting off. It was no longer possible, like before.
Damn it.
So he decided to at least try to stay calm. He thought he could endure staying here quietly for 30 days… If no one was around. However,
“Cha Eugene!”
“…!”
A voice called out.
When he turned his head, he saw a dim figure wearing a mask. It wasn’t that it was dark. The figure was running with the dawn sunset behind, making it look dim because of the light. And even with just that dark silhouette, he could tell who it was. He had seen this person for years.
“…Goodbye, Cha Eugene.”
A colleague who had bid him farewell on his return trip.
“Kim Raebin.”
But the moment the name left his lips, he realized. It’s not the same person. His stomach churned.
Even at that moment, ‘Kim Raebin’—the name was the same anyway!—ran along the coast and shouted.
“Really, you were here?!”
He had found him.
Does the Cha Eugene of this place also have some special memory of this spot? The thought made him feel utterly disgusted.
“I’m here. But aren’t you looking for your friend?”
“…??”
“Then go back. It seems that person isn’t here. I’m not your friend.” The words came out so smoothly.
Cha Eugene turned his head silently, suppressing the rising anger. It was then.
“No! You are my friend.”
“…!”
Kim Raebin’s voice grew louder. But Cha Eugene knew. He’s not angry.
There was a unique confidence and certainty in Kim Raebin’s voice, typical of someone sharing newly discovered facts.
“I agree that the time we’ve experienced has been different since we joined <Idol Inc>. But I realized that the bond we built before joining hasn’t disappeared.”
Before joining? Cha Eugene inadvertently questioned internally, then immediately realized.
Before joining <Idol Inc>. The time when they practiced together at the same agency.
“Then I am indeed the friend you met during your trainee days. And you are indeed Cha Eugene, who trained with me during our trainee days!”
“…”
“That means we can judge that we are the same people!”
Cha Eugene was momentarily at a loss for words. It wasn’t because there was nothing to refute. It was just that… the other person, Kim Raebin, was so full of conviction. It seemed like he believed without a shred of doubt that he had found the perfect logic.
My goodness.
And that… wasn’t something easily seen in the past few years. But it wasn’t entirely unfamiliar either. Before debuting, and even a few times after debuting… while preparing for an album.
“If we proceed like this, we can definitely deliver a modern charm while presenting a complete stage.”
Memories of occasionally seeing such a side came to mind.
…No, that’s not it. My friend was originally like that.
Kim Raebin was originally like that. At first glance, he seemed just polite and humble, but he had a stubborn and unyielding side. Self-assurance; a worldview so firm it bordered on shamelessness; and the talent that made it not seem like obstinacy. Seeing the good side of an old colleague again brought a special feeling.
“…”
Cha Eugene definitely knew. He’s not the same person. He had said several times directly that this was not the person he knew. Still, there was no other choice. But there are similarities…
Cha Eugene was only in his twenties. He couldn’t deny the undeniable bond proven in this sudden, unfamiliar world at a dead-end corner. So, he had no choice but to answer in a hoarse voice.
“(You’re right.)”
It was the first acknowledgment.
Just then, a wave crashed. Cha Eugene turned his head. He probably didn’t understand. But without needing to answer again in Korean, a bigger response came back.
“Yeah!”
Huh?
Cha Eugene stood up from the rock. “Kim Raebin, did you understand what I said?”
“I’ve been studying simple English words for songwriting. It helps with matching punchlines.”
“Oh.”
Cha Eugene almost asked what song Kim Raebin was composing at the moment but soon realized the reality and stopped himself. It was meaningless.
“…?”
Kim Raebin didn’t notice the awkward pause, but he decided to continue the conversation as he had resolved. Taking advantage of the slightly relaxed atmosphere, he recalled Park Moondae’s advice.
“If you really meet Cha Eugene… just speak comfortably as you want.”
So he really did.
Kim Raebin first asked what he deemed most important at the moment. “Have you eaten?”
Basic needs! Since Cha Eugene probably hadn’t slept, it was right to at least ensure he had a meal.
Cha Eugene was momentarily taken aback but soon chuckled and turned his gaze back to the sea. “No.”
“Then let’s have breakfast, even though it’s early.”
“I’m okay.” He wasn’t in the ‘mood’ for it.
Kim Raebin looked at him with a shocked expression. “Are you so stressed that you’re skipping meals?”
“…”
“…! Or maybe you’re feeling a lot of pressure because you’ve lived so freely until now?”
That damned freedom.
Cha Eugene, resting his chin on his hand, stared at the waves and answered absentmindedly. “I worked at a repair shop.”
“…”
The five years of activity had ended as if they never happened. After returning home, he started a new job.
“My parents offered to give me a surfboard shop, but I said no.”
The thought of meeting and chatting with idiots who spent all day surfing at the beach was unbearably annoying. He wanted to waste his life in a pathetic way, but he didn’t want to meet idiots who wasted their lives, a contradictory feeling.
“A car repair shop?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Not really.”
But he didn’t hate it that much either.
Cha Eugene had never been bad at anything. He quickly adapted to using his hands and body at the repair shop. And…
“I liked not having to think about anything.”
“…”
Why did STier Cha Eugene return home as soon as his contract ended? In fact, it wasn’t that he didn’t receive any offers from other agencies. They weren’t big agencies, but a few small ones made some proposals. Maybe he could have released one or two more albums. But he didn’t.
“No.”
I’ve already come too far.
Because he realized he had done something foolish.
“…”
Originally, Eugene had a very simple life philosophy that he learned and developed from his grandfather.
“If you can’t see a solution, find one.”
“If you absolutely can’t find one, give up cleanly and try a new direction.”
Eugene lived by this philosophy, practicing it until his debut. But the past few years as ‘STier’s Eugene’ were a bit different. Because he couldn’t ‘give up cleanly.’
A member got arrested for drugs, a song we didn’t choose became the title track, the group name was attached to a project we didn’t participate in, the album got canceled…. And then there were the rumors.
Rumors to the rumors and an uncontrollable environment. Even though he couldn’t see any fundamental solutions, he endured by making the best choices at every moment. Of course, at the time, he felt that all of it was worth it. He didn’t mind if it was a waste. But after pouring everything into it, In the end, nothing was left.
“STier, contract terminated.”
“…”
An ending with no growth or twist. At that point, he had to acknowledge it. That he had missed the timing to give up.
“But here, it makes me think too much.”
And that’s why it was painful.
The world that was absurdly given as a result of his foolish choice to not give up was excessively perfect. Everyone was happy, and everything was successful.
“(I just… don’t understand why I have to see this damn perfect world.)”
“…”
Since he couldn’t even say that in English, Eugene muttered it in Spanish. But Kim Raebin didn’t press him to explain what he meant. He simply tried to quietly understand the emotions in Eugene’s tone with his unassuming social skills.
“It seems tough.”
That core understanding was enough, so Kim Raebin decided to just quietly sit next to Cha Eugene and watch the sea together.
Kim Raebin knew that he wasn’t good with words.
“…”
“…”
And it was the right choice.
Swoosh— The waves reflected the light and gently rippled. In front of the peaceful beach, Cha Eugene felt a slight sense of liberation. It was the kind of thing that could be enjoyed by saying something no one could understand. Thanks to that, Kim Raebin could nod at Cha Eugene’s words.
“It’s 8 o’clock now, a good time for breakfast.”
“Yeah.”
The two stood up from the rocks on the beach. Their footprints remained neatly without any distortion.
* * *
After having breakfast at a restaurant with private rooms that Kim Raebin had found for the members in advance, he now felt comfortable enough to ask outright about his curiosity.
“Cha Eugene, do you dislike the hyungs?”
“Ugh,”
Yes. He just said it outright.
Cha Eugene, who was drinking water, almost choked but managed to hold it in. And since they were already out of the dorm, Cha Eugene decided to give an honest answer.
“It’s uncomfortable.”
“Do you feel that way because they try to infringe on your freedom for the sake of another Cha Eugene? Or because they treat you while projecting that Cha Eugene onto you?”
“Umm… yeah.”
Cha Eugene responded reluctantly. It was because Kim Raebin had spoken so bluntly.
And after some thought, Cha Eugene brought out a more honest and specific answer out of kindness, guilt, and… a bit of concern.
“And… ‘Moondae hyung’?”
Huh?
Kim Raebin suddenly lifted his head.
Cha Eugene was frowning in a peculiar way. “I find that person suspicious.”
“…!”
“That person knows too much about me.”
Kim Raebin’s mouth fell open. “Well… Moondae hyung usually remembers a lot about all of us since he’s in charge of planning for this group…”
“Nope! That’s not what I mean. It’s about me.”
“…?”
“Not you guys, me.” Cha Eugene pointed to himself.
Cha Eugene had already sensed it. The person Kim Raebin called ‘Moondae hyung’ knew too much about Cha Eugene.
STier was a group that, objectively speaking, didn’t have a very good ending. Even though it was a boy group. It would be hard for another guy to know so much about the situation. At most, they might have heard the name once, and that too in a bad rumor. But what about the attitude of this ‘Park Moondae’ person?
“Shut up.”
“…You don’t have to watch it.”
He would stop him at critical moments. It was as if he knew exactly what the triggers for his group were. And it was all based on facts.
“Too much, it’s… unnatural.”
“…”
Cha Eugene couldn’t explain it in detail to Kim Raebin, but he wanted to at least warn him that something felt off. So he spoke up. But,
“Then let’s ask him directly!”
“What?”
Kim Raebin immediately picked up the smartphone…!
“Kim Raebin, are you crazy?”
“I’m not crazy, you fool!”
“Fo…”
Just as Cha Eugene was taken aback by hearing a Korean curse for the first time in a while, Kim Raebin successfully made the call without a hitch.
“Yes, Hyung!”
And a moment later.
“…”
“…”
Another person was added to the room of the seaside restaurant on Ganghwa Island, which was still devoid of crowds.
“Hello.”
‘Moondae hyung’ had dark circles under his eyes within a day. He already didn’t have a particularly healthy complexion or a fierce impression, but now he looked even more exhausted and worn out.
Hmm… Cha Eugene felt a slight sense of guilt, but he knew that caution came first. So he tried to compose himself immediately, but,
“Hyung, Cha Eugene has some questions for you!” Kim Raebin directly threw the questions Cha Eugene had at Park Moondae.
Kim Raebin! As Cha Eugene screamed internally, preparing for any unforeseen situation by sharpening his reflexes and locking eyes, ‘Moondae hyung’ in front of him slightly lowered his head.
“Well, that’s because.”
And Cha Eugene, who was quick to read social cues, immediately caught the nuance of that gesture. This person…
“Because I was interested.”
“…??”
“I was just keeping an eye on your activities out of interest.”
This person was… embarrassed.
Oh my god.
Park Moondae, formerly known as Ryu Gunwoo, ended up revealing who he was stanning for in front of that singer at the most unexpected timing.