Chapter 146

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Translated by Sylph

Read it only at Novelbyu.com & Utoon.net

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“Now, everyone smile~”

The shutter sound rang out. TeStar, sitting by the pool, smiled at the camera with their arms around each other’s shoulders.

Of course, I was included there as well.

“The photos came out great. Good work, everyone~”

“Thank you!”

Since we were in the US, we were filming a Summer Package. That thing where they bundle together a pictorial and simple reality video content.

And in this video content, under the production team’s request to ‘shoot combinations we haven’t seen much of lately’, roommates were assigned.

This meant Park Moondae and Ryu Chungwoo ended up sharing a room.

Ah, he’s already talking to me.

“Moondae-ya, towel.”

“…Yes.”

I snatched the towel and wiped my neck. My stomach felt nauseous.

‘Phew.’

I was trying my best to restrain myself, but I didn’t know if it would be caught on camera or not.

‘…Damn it.’

I knew it too.

It wasn’t Ryu Chungwoo’s fault.

But what could I do when I keep thinking about it? Every time I see him… it comes to mind.

Thanks to that, the roommate content was at the level of being completely devastated. We barely even talked in the room.

This was my limit.

No matter what, I just hoped discord rumors wouldn’t start. For now… for now, once we returned to Korea and spent some time apart, it would get better.

‘……I’m going crazy.’

The moment the break time was announced, I stood up from my seat.

Since it seemed they would make roommates ride some water slide together later, I planned to stay apart at least until then.

But I got a tail again.

“U-um….”

“What.”

“H-here.”

Seon Ahyun, who had followed me, held out a takeout cup. It contained a drink with steam rising from it.

Seeing that he had a cup in his own hand as well, it seemed the staff had distributed them.

“…….”

I took the cup. If I didn’t, he would keep talking to me.

Seon Ahyun didn’t leave after giving me the drink but sat down at an ambiguous distance.

But instead of talking, he just peeked at me while sipping his own drink.

It was quiet.

“…….”

The tension in my shoulders faded.

Sitting on the flower bed just like that, I brought the hot drink to my lips.

‘It was hot chocolate.’

It was damn sweet.

* * *

After riding a water slide that went through some shark aquarium, a segment of exchange Q&A was conducted.

It was bearable.

“Great~ Then let’s pick a question!”

Keun Sejin laughed and picked a question from the bin.

“Hmm, ‘The member you’ve become closest with recently’. I won’t get many votes for this one. Since I! Am a member who was already close from the start~”

Let’s finish this quickly.

“I pick Lee Sejin.”

“Whoa! Moondae, you’re relying on me a lot lately? That’s truly touching! I’ll pick Moondae too~”

Keun Sejin, who had instantly changed his stance, laughed and tapped my back.

“Now, what about our Eugene?”

“Bae Sejin-hyung! I like my roommate.”

Since it passed to the next person immediately, I wouldn’t have to say more. Since he gave a moderately funny answer, it wouldn’t look strange.

“Hahaha, is it me again?”

The sounds of laughing and chattering continued for a long while.

After several questions passed… it was about time to finish.

The last question came out.

“It’s the last question card. ‘What is a difficult life experience that you overcame?’ Hmm, I think this is a question where many examples can come to mind.”

“…Ah~ is it a bit depressing for a last one? How about a chance to pick another one?”

“…? I think it’s meaningful and good!”

Following Kim Raebin’s answer, the questions went around.

…Starting from Ryu Chungwoo.

“Hmm, an experience of overcoming. Actually, the fact that I quit archery… wasn’t of my own will. I heard there was a car accident during a family trip when I was young,”

Stop.

“It was because of the aftereffects from that time.”

…No, we’re filming. Let’s think about something else.

“But because I met you all and was able to debut and promote like this, I can now just accept it as a turning point in my life. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Loviewers!”

“Great!”

“…Will it be okay to talk about such a story?”

“Haha, I think it’s the first time I’ve told a story like this in front of the camera, but since the fans will see it, I tried it once.”

“Oh, Chungwoo-hyung’s experience is too strong~ Shall we just surrender and pick a new one? Since Eugene has to pick one too!”

“I’ll pick!”

I felt like I was going to throw up.

“…Park Moondae!”

“Wait. Restroom.”

I got off the sofa and left the room filled with lights. I ran down the connected dark hallway and entered the restroom.

“Huuuh.”

Fortunately, nothing came up my throat. No, is it not fortunate? If I focused on the act, I would be able to stop thinking about it…….

“Shut up.”

I turned on the water in the sink and dunked my head in.

The cold water felt comfortable.

“…Moondae-ya!”

“Moondae-ssi, are you okay?”

“Hyung!”

I heard voices calling from outside. It was lucky that this was self-produced content. If it were a regular broadcast, it wouldn’t be manageable.

‘I should go out.’

But I couldn’t lift my head. Just a bit more… just a little bit more….

“Stop.”

I lifted my head from the water.

After roughly wiping off the moisture, I opened the restroom door.

Several staff members and members were standing outside the door.

“…I’m sorry. My stomach was feeling a bit bad.”

“No, it’s okay. Are you alright? Can you film now?”

“……Yes.”

Keun Sejin cut in.

“Park Moondae. They said it’s okay to delay the filming a bit here. If you need to rest for a bit…….”

“It’s the same anyway. Just do it.”

After shaking off the remaining moisture, I continued the filming.

And this time, it finished without any big problems.

“See you again, Loviewers~”

But I realized.

That at this rate, things would really go south.

‘I need to come up with a countermeasure.’

In the evening, when all the full-scale filming was finished.

Instead of going back to the room where Ryu Chungwoo would be, I went to the garden behind the hotel and organized the situation.

First of all, my condition was outright PTSD. There was no room for further discussion.

The problem was that I thought this would subside as time passed, but seeing it reach this point, I was starting to feel skeptical about just how long that would take.

‘…There’s no answer.’

If my recovery took more than two or three months, it would reach the point where it caused problems for TeStar’s future activities.

Then I could only hope that restarting would be possible even if I died from a status abnormality.

‘…The fact that I’m starting to think it would be okay even if it all ended is the bigger problem.’

Something was definitely wrong with my mind. I let out a sigh.

Vrrrrrr—

At that moment, the smartphone in my pocket vibrated.

When I took it out to check, a call was coming in from an unexpected name.

[VTIC Cheong-ryeo Sunbae-nim]

It was Cheong-ryeo.

“……Phew.”

Normally, I would have just ignored it. But now, I felt like I should take it.

I couldn’t help but ask if he had ever received this kind of status abnormality reward.

“…Hello.”

When I answered the phone, a slightly puzzled voice replied.

– Hmm, I didn’t expect you to pick up right away.

“Yes. I see. What is your business?”

– I contacted you after a long time, so don’t be like that… Are you doing well?

“If you don’t have business, I’ll state mine first.”

– Haha, sure.

“By any chance, have you ever seen some kind of vision?”

– …Vision?

“While doing missions.”

– …….

There was no word from across the phone for a while, and then an answer was heard soon after.

– Ah, some problem occurred.

“…!”

– Grades? Company? No, it won’t be something like that… Is it a more uncontrollable element? Then, human relationships?

“…….”

– It’s human relationships.

What kind of guy is this?

– It seems like a situation where stress is extreme, but hmm…… since you said it’s more stressful if I speak, it’s hard to give advice.

It seemed he thought I was seeing visions because of stress.

If so, it meant this guy had never received a status abnormality reward.

Advice, huh.

“Go ahead.”

– Is that so?

Yeah, sure. Anyway, now it felt like no matter what I heard from him, I wouldn’t think anything of it.

Let’s just let him chatter about restarting.

Then, a calm voice was heard over the phone.

– There’s no need to be stressed.

“…….”

– Anyway, if you go back to the beginning, the emotional consumption you’re doing now is meaningless. Just… think that next time you should exclude them. Think like that.

“…….”

– Because it’ll disappear anyway.

…It will disappear.

For the first time, I clearly made an assumption.

Let’s say it’s true that I can go back.

Let’s assume that if I fail, I return to Park Moondae’s 20th birthday.

So, all of 22-year-old Park Moondae so far becomes something that never happened, and I try making it again from the beginning.

It would surely be comfortable since I’ve done it once. I could even take a lottery number and live in a place with good security from the start.

And I could do better from the beginning. Since I already know everything.

Avoiding all sorts of tiring and embarrassing things that broke out from the first filming of until after our debut, and making it so the group is formed with better members…….

‘No.’

…I didn’t want to do that.

It was funny, but even if I overcame all the status abnormalities by doing that….

I didn’t think I would like it more than now.

Because I had come to think of all those hardships and annoyances, and everything I made with these young brats… as my achievement before I knew it.

And even if I made it again, it could never have the same meaning as now.

Of course, the situation was a bit shitty right now. Still, the cost-benefit analysis didn’t add up to give up on now because of this.

My head cleared up a bit.

I opened my mouth.

“Because it might disappear, I should try to do better.”

– ……That is.

“Thank you for the advice, Sunbae-nim.”

– You’ll regret it.

“Well, I probably will. Who wouldn’t, no matter what they do? Then, I’ll be going now.”

I hung up the phone.

And I thought.

‘This guy can be helpful sometimes.’

Surprisingly, my logic, which had left home, seemed to have returned with the call with Cheong-ryeo.

Then let’s find the best choice in the current situation objectively.

For now, if there’s no sign of recovery as it is…… there’s only one answer.

‘Halting activities due to health problems.’

From experience, if I lived in seclusion alone for about a month while taking medicine, it would get somewhat better. This was better than discord rumors.

If the company refused, well… I’d have no choice but to endure discord rumors.

If I roughly explained to the others that looking at Ryu Chungwoo’s face would make me a psychopath, they would minimize the contact points between Park Moondae and Ryu Chungwoo as much as possible.

It would be uncomfortable for each other, but since it’s the fault of the company that held onto someone who said they’d take a rest, I should tell them to complain to the company.

Still, I wanted to do it in a way that caused as little damage as possible, so I hoped the company would accept the suspension of activities if possible.

‘Is this about it?’

I left the garden and began to return to the room.

Since I had calmed down a bit, it seemed a simple greeting with that guy would be possible.

‘I’ll endure somehow until this Summer Package filming is over.’

There was no other way, and anyway, once we took the ending cut when we left tomorrow, it would be over.

I just had to bear it.

But when I opened the door and went in, I saw a sight I had never imagined.

“…You’re here?”

Ryu Chungwoo was sitting in a chair with liquor bottles overflowing on the table.

“…….”

I slowly stepped backward and went out the door, then closed the door…….

“All the cameras have been collected. You can drink.”

“…….”

At that moment, I realized I desperately wanted to drink.

‘Damn it.’

I knew nothing good would come from drinking in this situation. But…….

“Here.”

I reached out my hand and took the liquor bottle. Then I opened the top.

I put it straight to my mouth.

It was only then that I realized my lips were trembling. There was the sound of teeth clattering against the mouth of the bottle.

“…….”

Standing with my body turned away, I continued to pour the liquor down my throat.

I couldn’t think of anything.

Then, a voice was heard.

“You’re holding something back from me, aren’t you?”

“…….”

“You’re just holding it back because you’re afraid that if you explode, it’ll reach a point beyond recovery. Right?”

The sound of carbonation leaking was heard.

“Just say it. I don’t get hurt easily by things like this.”

The thing is, damn it, even if I say it, you’re in a situation where you don’t know.

This… this wasn’t a situation that could be understood by common sense, was it?

Even more, this guy was completely blameless.

In the first place, seeing as I didn’t even know this guy’s name, he was a distant relative I barely knew. Since the Poongsangan Ryu clan did so many things together, he must have gone along in the heat of the moment.

‘And since the child had such a big accident, that guy’s parents wouldn’t have had room to care about anything else. So, even at the funeral, I didn’t, see them…….’

I put the liquor to my throat again.

I couldn’t stand it, damn it.

I picked up a new bottle. Again, a calm voice was heard.

“…Fine. Then just speak within the line you can tolerate. I’ll never say a word.”

“…….”

“I won’t say anything about the company or the hospital either.”

At that moment, words I hadn’t even thought of flew out of my mouth.

“Because I’m envious.”

“Huh?”

“I said I’m envious.”

And I realized it at the same time I spoke.

I was envious of this guy.

I wished I had followed that trip like Ryu Chungwoo and gotten hurt, so my parents would have gotten in the ambulance following me and hadn’t gone to that damn pension.

It wasn’t simply because it reminded me of that accident; I was spiteful towards this guy.

Seeing him talk about the greatest luck of his life as a trial, my stomach turned.

“I’m envious… that your parents are fine and you live doing everything you want to do.”

“…!”

I put down the finished liquor and gasped for breath.

I had babbled such crazy words, but…… strangely, I felt refreshed.

Ryu Chungwoo didn’t answer for a long time.

And after a while, he handed over one more liquor bottle.

“Did you remember while sleeping?”

“What?”

“I heard from Raebin. That it seems like you’re recalling old memories in your sleep.”

“…….”

“When I brought up the story of the car accident aftereffects… it must have sounded like the talk of someone who’s well-off.”

…It seemed he misunderstood that ‘Park Moondae’s’ parents died in a car accident.

He must have felt that he had whined about car accident aftereffects in front of someone whose family died in a car accident.

…It was, similar.

“I’m sorry for saying that.”

“It’s not something to apologize for.”

“Still, you feel a bit better hearing an apology, don’t you? See, it’s the first time in a while we’ve talked.”

“…….”

“Moondae-ya. It’s… okay to talk about these things comfortably.”

Ryu Chungwoo opened one more liquor bottle.

“In the face of fear and pain… it’s okay for a person to get a bit angry and blame others.”

“…….”

“I was like that even when I barely had to quit archery. There probably wasn’t such a mess.”

Ryu Chungwoo smiled faintly.

“But it seems you can’t do that. It’s okay, so do it even now. How can a person live rationally every time?”

“…….”

I put down the bottle.

My hands trembled a bit.

“…I wanted to live without it being difficult.”

I thought I had gotten along reasonably well.

Until I graduated from high school, I received support from here and there, and because I was good with my hands, I managed to get living expenses somehow.

I thought it wasn’t the worst, but actually, I had endured because there was no choice; I must have really hated it.

“But I can’t live like that, so it’s like shit.”

“……Right.”

“It’s a bit, overwhelming.”

I opened a new liquor bottle.

I thought I would naturally feel uncomfortable after saying things like this, but surprisingly, I was fine.

It might be because of the alcohol… but anyway, I was for now.

I slowly moistened my throat.

I wasn’t sure because I was drunk, but even after that, I think I just listed words or sentences without context.

Ryu Chungwoo didn’t particularly cut in, but he reacted occasionally.

And then at the very end, he spoke up.

“I agreed not to talk about the hospital… but still, it would be better to receive counseling once we return to Korea. Along with Ahyun.”

“…….”

“I’m not saying this because your mind seems strange, but because you look like you’re having a hard time.”

“Sure.”

“You received a lot of money, so spend some for yourself.”

“Sure.”

I swallowed the liquor.

“But it’s still hard to see you.”

Ryu Chungwoo had a blank face for a moment, then soon laughed out loud for the first time.

“Haha, let’s take it slow. It’s not like we’re only going to see each other’s faces for a month or two; it’ll be fine to spend time with some distance.”

“……Sure.”

It was the truth.

“But Moondae-ya. Use honorifics. You’re suddenly using informal speech?”

“……!”

I had completely… forgotten.

Maintaining honorifics as requested, I continued to drink.

The topic of conversation drifted a bit and we didn’t sit facing each other, but it wasn’t that uncomfortable.

I found out the next day that those liquor bottles were all room service and were billed at a crazy price, but I didn’t feel it was a waste.

And after returning to Korea, fortunately, a new schedule was waiting that allowed me to spend time alone in between.

It was a solo appearance that I had postponed because of going to the US.